Self-Circumcision

Is not the topic of this, my latest blog. I simply wanted to see how many men I could get to my blog using this word. Why do men grab themselves and cross their legs trembling in fear when they hear this word? Maybe they’ve heard the story of Abraham, who was commanded by God, at the age of 99, to circumcise himself…in public. He did try to negotiate his way out of this one by the way, unsuccessfully. Who could blame him for trying?


But again, this is not the topic of this blog. Stick around fellas. There’s an article I’d like you to read before you continue.

http://twilightsingapore.com/2010/07/10/twilight-news-real-estate-tycoon-tom-barrack-colony-capital-llc-deconstructs-twilight/

So we woke up around 7am, an unspeakable hour when on vacation; ate the egg whites, sourdough toast, bacon and o.j. provided by room service and headed over to Budget rent-a-car (I don’t know if this is their official name). We got quite a deal through our concierge and after a few calls to Amex and Travelers confirming insurance coverage, we were ready to cruise…in the PT Cruiser.

We had all the maps we needed to get halfway around Washington state and a date with a Ferry in an hour. I’ve never before driven a car onto a boat, but let me just say, it was rad (as my generation would say) or stupid (as I’ve heard this generation say). Either way, it was friggin cool. I felt like singing “A Whole New World” from Aladin as I looked out into the Puget Sound, but figured I’d save that for the Olympic National Park…or Forks. The Ferry food, again, not to be confused with Fairy food (which is briefly described in Fool Moon by Jim Butcher) was surprisingly palatable. If you’ve read my previous blog about our Ferry to Victoria, you remember that I assumed all Ferry food to be created equal, and I was very, very sadly mistaken.

We drove off of the Ferry in Bainbridge Island and began our two hour drive to Port Angeles. It took this long because in that there neck of the woods, the highway lines are maintained. And boy were they maintained. We waited with everyone else for that line to be re-painted.

Why were we driving to Port Angeles, a small and less-than-impressive port town? Well, because Bella bought a book, was harassed by drunk, crazy men and saved by a stunning, young vampire there, that’s why! And boy does Port Angeles do all they can to profit from their debut in Twilight. If you've done any research on the topic, you know that NONE of the movies were filmed in the real Port Angeles, nor was any of it filmed in the real Forks. Various locations in Oregon and Vancouver served as replicas of these towns.

As you walk the handful of streets in Port Angeles, you follow a map, provided by the town, to all the different locations Bella stumbled upon.  There’s actually a store (Dazzled by Twilight) dedicated to the book, selling everything you could possibly put Edward and Jacob’s face on.  Don't leave your children unattended.

I ran into Carlisle and Jacob there and the rest just stood in the windows looking pale and concerned. The department store where the girls went for dresses, actually went out of business before the book could save them. There were some really creepy alleyways and a couple of bookstores, but more importantly, there was the Italian restaurant (Bella Italia) where Bella and Edward had their first date. Also, just down the road is the movie theater frequented by the teens of Forks. We had a seriously delicious mocha from The Veela Café, unfortunately not mentioned in any of the Twilight series. Well, after taking a handful of photos and feeling a little disappointed by the blahness of the town, we got back in the cruiser and started on our way to Forks.  

 

Having made the drive from Port Angeles to Forks, I couldn’t imagine wanting to see a movie badly enough, or needing a dress I couldn’t knit myself or craving Italian food desperately enough to make that kind of a drive more than once. But then…we drove into Forks. There is really nothing there. I used to think Bella’s mom was a real piece of work, leaving Charlie and all, and then I walked around that town for an hour and thought, I feel ya, sister! Sorry Charlie. I’m outta here! The people and businesses of Forks have undoubtedly benefitted from the whirlwind of traffic created by the books, but I have to say, the people living and working there seem a bit indignant about the presence of Twi-Hards (or as my neighbor calls us, Twi-Tards). Sure they make $40 a head on disappointing tours (which we opted NOT to do) and sell who knows how many burgers a day at Sully’s drive-in, but really, they seem somewhat insulted. And to be honest, it is quite a disappointing little town. Good thing vampires and shape-shifters are around to spice things up. Oh wait, that’s not real. Well, they always have Port Angeles. The good news is, the profit brought in by us loony outsiders has allowed for the remodeling of the school!

On our way home, we stopped in Sequim, a sweet, small town between Port Angeles and Bainbridge Island. They have lavender farms all over. I wanted to run through them with my arms stretched out like Julie Andrews. I settled for some pictures. We also drove up to Port Townsend to stroll around. I would highly recommend this port town over Port Angeles. It reminds me of Carmel with it’s quaint little shops and the sounds of cranky seagulls overhead.

I must say that the best part of that day trip were the views of the Olympic mountains and the unbelievably blue waters at their base. I could drive for days with those views outside of my windows.

For the fellas, I hope you enjoyed the article provided earlier. I know some of you have secretly enjoyed the Twilight Saga. For the rest of you more-than-macho men, though you might imagine it to be, I doubt it’s worse than self-circumcision. Give it a try…the books I mean.